My wife sat down on  the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She  asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
 
I said, ‘Dust.’
 
And then the fight started…
 
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–
 
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for  our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something  shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
 
I bought her a scale.
 
And then the fight  started… 
  ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —– 
 
After retiring, I went to the Social Security  office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind  the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify  my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left  my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very  sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
 
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I  opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She  said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough  for me’ and she processed my Social Security  application.
 
When I got home, I excitedly told  my wife about my experience at the Social Security  office.
 
She said, ‘You should have dropped your  pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’
 
And then the fight started… 
  ———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —– 
 
 
I took my wife to a restaurant.  The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
 
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare,  please.”
 
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the  mad cow?””
 
Nah, she can order for herself.”
 
And then the fight started…
 
———— ——— ——— —
 
A  woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her  husband,
‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
 
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near  perfect.’
 
And then the fight started…..
 
———— ——— ——— ——
 
I  tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light  for $14.95.
 
Instead, she bought a jar of cold  cream for $7.95.
 
I told her the beer would make  her look better at night than the cold cream.
 
And then the fight started…..
 
———— ——— ——— ——— —–
 
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her  butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she  wore yesterday
 
and then the fight started…..
 
———— ——— ——— ——— ——
 
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent  babies.
 
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a  loud noise came from outside.
 
The woman,  bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man  ‘Holy crap. That must be my husband!’
 
So the man  jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the  window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a  thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
 
A few minutes later he returned and went up to  the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your  husband!’
 
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why  were you running?’
 
And then the fight  started…..
 
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —- 
  
 
I asked my wife, “Where do you  want to go for our anniversary? ”
 
It warmed my  heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.  “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
 
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
 
And that’s when the fight started….

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