On Estonia

Marketing Estonia to Europe

To Russians: “Estonia. The closest water-operated toilet on the continent”
To Italians: “Estonian women are reserved. They will never hit you”
To Indians: “You will feel right at home. Our cab drivers will try to swindle you as well”
To Swedes: “Europe’s least expensive breast implants”
To Africans: “Come and enjoy attention. And not necessarily unpleasant”
To Dutch: “Come and touch a live tree”
To Finns: “Table vodka 9 Euros a liter”
To Americans: “”Estonia is Europe’s low-calorie Russia: all the excitement with only half the danger.”

***************
Venelastele: “Eesti. Kontinendi lähim veevärgiga kemps.”
Itaallastele: “Eesti naised on vaoshoitud. Keegi ei anna sulle vastu kõrvu.”
Indialastele: “Tunne end nagu kodus – ka meie taksojuhid petavad.”
Rootslastele: “Euroopa odavaimad rinnaimplantaadid.”
Aafriklastele: “Tule ja naudi tähelepanu. Mitte tingimata ebameeldivat.”
Hollandlastele: “Tule ja puuduta elavat puud.”
Soomlastele: “Laua Viin 9 eurot liiter.”
Alla 25aastastele meestele: “Maa, kus autosõit on nagu Hollywoodi märulis.”
Prantslastele: “Pärast meid teate, mis teie köök väärt on.”
Ameeriklastele: “Estonia is Europe’s low-calorie Russia: all the excitement with only half the danger.”

Posted by jurgenkaljuvee at 12:19

Friday, 29 February 2008

How You Know When You are Dealing with an Estonian

1. You use the word ‘normal’ if something is ok.
2. When visiting friends abroad you bring along a box of Kalev chocolate.
3. You attended a song festival at least once either as a performer or as a
spectator.
4. You know that going to the sauna is 80% about networking and 20% about
washing
5. You are nationalistic about Skype (it is actually not an Estonian company)
6. ‘Kohuke’ belongs to your menu
7. You declare your taxes on the internet like all modern people
8. You actually believed for a while that Latvians had 6 toes per foot when
you heard that as a child
9. You are convinced that Estonia is very strategically located
10. You spent at least one midsummer in Saaremaa, Hiiumaa or one of the
smaller islands
11. You can quote films like ‘Viimne reliikvia’ and ‘Siin me oleme’
12. You spit three times around your left shoulder for good luck
13. Words like ‘veoauto’, ‘täieõiguslik’ or ‘jää-äär’ sound perfectly
pronouncable to you
14. You like bold statements, such as this one… [image: Wink]
15. There can never be too much sarcasm
16. You can at times drink hot tea to hot food
17. You are disappointed that Jaan Kross never got the Nobel prize in
literature
18. It would not be suprising for English-speakers to find your namenaughty
(Peep, Tiit, Andres [sounds like undress]) or hippy (Rein, Rain)
19. You have been to Finland
20. You say ‘Noh’ (sounds like NO) even when you speak English, just to
confuse people
21. You know the lyrics to ‘Mutionu’ and ‘Rongisõit’
22. You would never mistaken Kreisiraadio for a radio station
23. You would agree that wife-carrying is a real sport (at least as long as
Estonians are winning)
24. Your best friend’s girlfriend is your English teacher’s daughter and
they live next door to your grandparents, who were colleagues with your
advisor, who is friends with your…
25. You think that any beverage below 20% is non-alcoholic
26. You check the thermometer before going out
27. You look in both directions before crossing the road, even if it’s a
one-way street
28. You grin very mysteriously when people ask about your national food
29. You teach a non-Estonian speaker the word ‘Tänan’ before ‘Aitäh’
30. You put ketchup inside your pasta (french-cooked gourmet faire la
finemanger pasta) in order to not to get the ketchup-bowl dirty
31. You cheated on your wife/husband at least ten times but you still think
you’re in a good marriage.
32. When someone asks you ‘where is Estonia?’ you quickly reply that it’s
located in Northern Europe close to Finland…
33. Your grandmother’s ‘purse’ is an old plastic bag that has been reused
several times
34. Sour cream tastes good with everything
35. A foreigner speaks to you in broken horrible Estonian and you go on
andon about how wonderful their Estonian is compared to ‘the Russians”
36. You have ever worn or seen anyone wear ‘karupüksid’

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